this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
