the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
