saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
