U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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