She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
