We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
