How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
