he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
