i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
