We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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