pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
