then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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