matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
