sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
