Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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