Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
