matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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