i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
