I am puke
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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