and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
