I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
