But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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