The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
