I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
