did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
