actually, I'm a sock model
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
