Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
