While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
