I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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