I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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