Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
