it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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