Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
