I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
