i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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