I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
