well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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