Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
