i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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