The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
