Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
