It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
cat food counts as protein by the way
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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