I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
