Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
