Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
