well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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