So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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