she was so not down for the gang bang
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
