how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
