Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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