u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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