Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
