i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
